(no subject)

[dreamcatchings]

I had things to write earlier. I did.

Now I'm just tired. And my head and eyes hurt. timberwolfblues was over today so we could go through the stuff. I ended up crying through most of it. I didn't think it would be so fucking painful. They're just things, after all. They're just plastic and paper and lifeless. They can't hurt. They can't wonder what's happened.

But they don't remember what each of them holds. The memories and the time. They're just objects.

I'm not crying for the loss of them so much as for what they represented.

I wish I were plastic and paper and lifeless. I wish I was an object and nothing fazed me. I wish I could look at the fact that I have to do everything alone and be everywhere alone and just think of myself as alone and not feel like someone's cut my soul out.

I wish I were stronger than begging for another chance even though I know it wouldn't work out.

I wish.

It still hurts. Oh god, it hurts.

Comments

*hugs*

[norachan.livejournal.com]

Just before Michael and I broke up I went shopping with his mother. She bought him a shirt and I was supposed to give it to him. A few days later we broke up and the shirt was forgotten until I found it a week later still in the bag. I cried for hours over that damn shirt. Then I decided to keep it. I didn't keep it in the end but I can't recall how he got it. I may have given it to Sarah to give to him.

We didn't live together at the time so I didn't have much of his stuff in the apartment but that shirt meant so much to me even though he had never even touched it.

You are strong. I probably would have made some excuse not to be there while he got his stuff.

[mizzmarvel.livejournal.com]

I don't know what else to say other than it's going to get better, and if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here.