Buddhist Words of the Week
Mar. 4th, 2010 01:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dreamcatchingsFrom my Buddhist Wisdom Inspiration Cards:
When we waste time
it is like pulling the
flowers from a garland
and throwing them away.
When we use time wisely it is
like stringing fresh flowers to the
garland of our days.
I think I understand what you're trying to tell me, Buddha Box. I understand the general idea anyway. Putting things off by doing nothing helps no one. It does not make me feel better, and it certainly does not get anything accomplished. It is not right work or right thought. There are a lot of things in my life that feel like a waste of time. It's not just the days where I cannot manage to make myself do much. Even if I'm watching television while crocheting I'm doing something. I'm working on perfecting a skill that I not only want but that could help me in the future. It's the days where I drift from one room to another without accomplishing anything by the end of the day other than feeling sorry for myself that are really a waste. I'm not contributing to my happiness or to the betterment of the world at large. Not that I imagine that I contribute much to the betterment of the world most of the time. I'm not much of a joiner. I'm not involved in movements. It's not that I don't believe strongly in things because I do. I just can't seem to muster up the energy to get involved with organizations. I've always had a thing about organizations.
It's more than that, though. Wasting my off days is not nearly as detrimental as the fact that the days and weeks and years of my life feel wasted right now. For the most part. Yes, I have learned life lessons. Yes, I have made some friends who I love so dearly it makes my heart ache. And, yes, I have lost things that have crippled my emotionally.
There's something about my job that feels like such a waste. I never ever loved it. Not really. Not even in the beginning. It used to upset me so, the change, the getting used to everything, the fitting into the rhythm of it all, that I would come home distraught with headaches, crying, not wanting to go in the next day because I just wasn't sure I could do it. I didn't like the driving, and I hadn't learned my way around everything. I hadn't really made any friends, either, because I hadn't gotten comfortable enough to come out of my shell. Things changed. I got comfortable and let people get close to me. I became confident in the job. I still didn't love it, but it was so much better than it had been. I let myself start making plans about it. How I would get into the Special Projects team and then become a lead and then maybe become a supervisor or go to another department. I thought eventually someone might recognize the skills I had and put them to good use. I thought someone might appreciate the fact that I wanted changes and challenges and things to make my brain work.
Yet I feel passed over and discontent. I don't care about it. There's nothing to care about there anymore. Each and every day feels like a waste of my time and energy. They try to coerce me into wanting more with the promise of money without realizing that I am not the sort of person who is enticed by money. I know I need it. I budget what I have. It's not what I want, though.
I see the positions I meant to move toward and do not like what they have done to other people. I do not like what they have become.
Wasting time. I am wasting time there because it is safe, and I know what I'm doing.
I should be going back to school or finding a new job or starting my own business or traveling. I should be doing something worthwhile. I should be doing something that will make me something other than mundane and ordinary and useless. I have always hated feeling mundane.
I hear, Buddha Box. It may just be the time for changes. I don't know where to find the strength.
it is like pulling the
flowers from a garland
and throwing them away.
When we use time wisely it is
like stringing fresh flowers to the
garland of our days.
I think I understand what you're trying to tell me, Buddha Box. I understand the general idea anyway. Putting things off by doing nothing helps no one. It does not make me feel better, and it certainly does not get anything accomplished. It is not right work or right thought. There are a lot of things in my life that feel like a waste of time. It's not just the days where I cannot manage to make myself do much. Even if I'm watching television while crocheting I'm doing something. I'm working on perfecting a skill that I not only want but that could help me in the future. It's the days where I drift from one room to another without accomplishing anything by the end of the day other than feeling sorry for myself that are really a waste. I'm not contributing to my happiness or to the betterment of the world at large. Not that I imagine that I contribute much to the betterment of the world most of the time. I'm not much of a joiner. I'm not involved in movements. It's not that I don't believe strongly in things because I do. I just can't seem to muster up the energy to get involved with organizations. I've always had a thing about organizations.
It's more than that, though. Wasting my off days is not nearly as detrimental as the fact that the days and weeks and years of my life feel wasted right now. For the most part. Yes, I have learned life lessons. Yes, I have made some friends who I love so dearly it makes my heart ache. And, yes, I have lost things that have crippled my emotionally.
There's something about my job that feels like such a waste. I never ever loved it. Not really. Not even in the beginning. It used to upset me so, the change, the getting used to everything, the fitting into the rhythm of it all, that I would come home distraught with headaches, crying, not wanting to go in the next day because I just wasn't sure I could do it. I didn't like the driving, and I hadn't learned my way around everything. I hadn't really made any friends, either, because I hadn't gotten comfortable enough to come out of my shell. Things changed. I got comfortable and let people get close to me. I became confident in the job. I still didn't love it, but it was so much better than it had been. I let myself start making plans about it. How I would get into the Special Projects team and then become a lead and then maybe become a supervisor or go to another department. I thought eventually someone might recognize the skills I had and put them to good use. I thought someone might appreciate the fact that I wanted changes and challenges and things to make my brain work.
Yet I feel passed over and discontent. I don't care about it. There's nothing to care about there anymore. Each and every day feels like a waste of my time and energy. They try to coerce me into wanting more with the promise of money without realizing that I am not the sort of person who is enticed by money. I know I need it. I budget what I have. It's not what I want, though.
I see the positions I meant to move toward and do not like what they have done to other people. I do not like what they have become.
Wasting time. I am wasting time there because it is safe, and I know what I'm doing.
I should be going back to school or finding a new job or starting my own business or traveling. I should be doing something worthwhile. I should be doing something that will make me something other than mundane and ordinary and useless. I have always hated feeling mundane.
I hear, Buddha Box. It may just be the time for changes. I don't know where to find the strength.
