So the left ear finally worked itself clear. Mostly.

I'm supposed to go get the rest of my meds tonight, but I don't feel like it. I still have some of the allergy medicine so it's not a big deal.

I don't understand why I'm so tired.

Not sure if there will be posting tonight. I doubt it.

Damn, I suck.

Went back to the doctor today in the hopes of getting the hearing on the right side of my head back.

He looked, we flushed, he looked, we flushed.

Still not hearing.

But it's gotta be something internal now because he can't see anything external that would be causing the no hearing.

Due to this, he gave me more antibiotics and allergy meds.

Whee fun.

Contrary to popular belief, I do not know everything. I am also not capable of keeping all these balls in the air, especially when I'm not feeling well. Because right now I don't give a shit. And since nobody here seems to even care about the fact that I don't feel well, I don't particularly give a shit whether my lack of knowledge about something fucks you over or not.

I could honestly care less right now.

The fact that people keep asking me for shit that I didn't get the chance to do because I was out yesterday, going to the doctor though you wouldn't think anyone here actually believes me based on the way they're acting, is really just pissing me off even more.

I'm exhausted and my ear is throbbing.

Yeah, yeah. I'm an idiot for coming to work in the first place.

So I come in for the night shift because I said I would and there's no one else to work it despite the fact that my ear is throbbing. I don't think people who've never had an ear infection understand how painful it is. It throbs and buzzes and hums. It keeps me up at night. It wakes me up in the middle of the night. It gives me headaches. It keeps me from hearing correctly. It disorients me so that my movements are even more clumsy than usual.

It hurts.

So I come in.

Everyone notices the hair and teases me about it.

Craig asks, "Will you be in tomorrow?" He has to ask twice because the first time I couldn't hear him.

I tell him I'm not sure about the whole day because of the ear thing. I tell him I was at the doctor's today. He asks if the doctor told me anything. I tell him he told me I have an ear infection. And that when I went to the ER the other night they did nothing.

My problem with this whole scenario is that I am the least likely person to fuck this company over. Dale? Is fucking us over. John? Fucked us over. Rodney? Fucked us over.

I was at the ER from 3:30am until 5:30am Saturday morning and came in to work at 8:30am that day despite having gotten maybe three hours of interrupted sleep. I came in tonight despite the fact that the right side of my head is throbbing.

I don't like the message here. That Dale can not only take off three weeks without telling us, but that he can also take two or three days off during the week when he's sick and not get asked a single fucking question. I take off six and a half hours, and I feel like I'm getting reamed about it.

And why is that? Because I dyed my fucking hair?

That shouldn't fucking matter. I was at the ER. I was at the doctor. I just paid over $60 for medication. This is the third full day I've put up with it, and nobody seems to think it's fucking important or, what, real? Like I'm fucking lying that I can't hear out of my right ear? That I'm fucking lying that it hurts, and I've been running a low grade fever since Saturday? Oh, yeah, I have so much fucking reason to lie about being in pain. I'm starting to wish I had taken that doctor's note. I was all, "No, that's cool" to the nurse because, well, fuck Dale never brings in a note at all.

I managed to sleep through my phone ringing around 1am (only reason I know this is missed call stats) but the pain in my ear combined with the nightmare needing to go to the bathroom gave me (my body is weird and I've become convinced that it views the nightmares as the only way to wake me up, which is really counter-productive because after a nightmare I am less likely to get out of bed but whatever) woke me up about 15 minutes ago.

Dad had a decent idea. Doctor in town. Today. Call around and see if anyone can see me. So I'll do that once the offices are open (I'm guessing 8am and I need a little more sleep anyway) and call work and tell them that I'm going to the doctor and should be in tomorrow and, no, it couldn't really wait because I've been in pain for three days now going on four.

Well, that was basically a fucking waste of time.

Go to ER to have the doctor look at my ear to confirm what I already knew: it's still plugged.

They then tell me they can't do anything unless they enroll me as a patient again, which would be another $75 copay. And considering I already have a $75 bill coming to me for some ear drops and not the fuck much else I said no. Took a script for some other kind of medicine that might work loose the wax.

Only to go to the pharmacy and find out that they can't give it to me until tomorrow.

Oh, and, I need to make an appointment to go see the ER doctor in Campbellsburg for Tuesday or Wednesday of this week because he's got a nifty machine there that should be able to get it right out.

Fuck. I'm just so fucking annoyed with all of this.

Yesterday I spent most of the day (once I got home from work) curled up on my bed, ear on a heating pad watching TV and calling timberwolfblues every few hours so I could whimper and he'd tell me it'd be okay and that he loved me.

And I'm likely gonna spend most of today in the exact same place. When I woke up it felt better. Like clogged but no pain. And now there is pain again.

I guess I'll go back to the hospital in a few hours and see what they say.

It's not any better. And that worries me. Though I really hope they do something else because it really fucking hurts.

And despite the fact that I doubt it'll get done, I like to carry this around day to day and update it.

( rp list: )

Hurts, hurts, hurts, hurts, hurts.

Hurts.

Yes, I am going to be whiny and pathetic. I'm allowed.

I tried to do a voice post but none of the numbers I had programmed in my phone went anywhere.

Just got back from the ER where I went about two hours ago because my right ear is clogged and hurting.

My right ear is still clogged and hurting. Only now I get to pay a bill for the privilege. They gave my ear drops, tried to flush it and then sent me home with said ear drops and the suggestion to take Tylenol for the pain. And to come back on Sunday if it wasn't any better.

It hurts so bad I can't fucking sleep.

I don't know if I'm gonna make it down to my mother's this weekend or not. I want to go but this really fucking hurts.

Karmic penalty for vanity.

I used to get this all the time when I was little. I forgot how much it fucking hurt. I'm gonna go lie down and hope I can get some rest before I go to work tomorrow.