Holiday Baking Woes
Dec. 16th, 2010 01:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dreamcatchingsFor some inane reason I have started doing something I affectionately term cookiepalooza wherein I bake an incredibly stupidly large amount of cookies and then take them to work as Christmas gifts for people. I did it last year, and I'm going it this year as well. It's one of those things that sort of wears me down, especially right now. For reasons unknown to me I am entirely more emotionally and physically run down this holiday season than last year, though I think part of that might have to be attributed to the weather. The winter weather has already been worse this year than previous years, and it makes me paranoid and worry prone and just tired. Not to mention that the bad weather makes me even more prone to stay home and away from people. All in all I find myself a little more depressed than last year. It's not even the jagging crying all the time depression, either. It's the heavy, weight "I don't want to do anything or see anyone or go anywhere. And all these things I usually adore don't matter much at all." Work has a lot to do with it. Work and some developments with a few of my personal friendships. People seem to be passing me by in leaps and bounds, and it's disheartening and painful so I retreat into being numb. Unfortunately I have a tendency to get myself completely locked in the numb state with no real way to claw my way out. It's one of those terribly viscous cycles.
I was originally planning to make batches of nine different cookies (pumpkin chocolate chip, chocolate chip, eggnog dark chocolate chip, lemon poppyseed, snickerdoodles, peanut butter, oatmeal raisin, gingerbread and peppermint shortbread), but I'm not sure I can do it. I've got the lemon poppyseed, snickdoodle, eggnog and pumpkin dough already made and proofing. I'm going to make the oatmeal raisin dough before I go to bed tonight. The peanut butter dough does not proof well. I learned that the hard way when I did it last year and the peanut oil started separating from the dough and getting everywhere. It was a terrible mess so I'll make and bake that one. I like to give most of the cookies at least overnight in the fridge because it does mature the taste, esp. on chocolate chip variants. I'm also supposed to make pies for a work party, but I might just cave and buy those if I go to the work party because tonight I cannot face the idea of baking all of this without just shattering into a million tiny pieces.
Work was terrible this week, and I'm probably being overly sensitive. They're cookies. No one is going to be terribly upset if I leave some of them out, but it makes me feel like I'm a failure and a disappointment before I even start. The holidays are stressful, but I mostly do this to myself.
I was originally planning to make batches of nine different cookies (pumpkin chocolate chip, chocolate chip, eggnog dark chocolate chip, lemon poppyseed, snickerdoodles, peanut butter, oatmeal raisin, gingerbread and peppermint shortbread), but I'm not sure I can do it. I've got the lemon poppyseed, snickdoodle, eggnog and pumpkin dough already made and proofing. I'm going to make the oatmeal raisin dough before I go to bed tonight. The peanut butter dough does not proof well. I learned that the hard way when I did it last year and the peanut oil started separating from the dough and getting everywhere. It was a terrible mess so I'll make and bake that one. I like to give most of the cookies at least overnight in the fridge because it does mature the taste, esp. on chocolate chip variants. I'm also supposed to make pies for a work party, but I might just cave and buy those if I go to the work party because tonight I cannot face the idea of baking all of this without just shattering into a million tiny pieces.
Work was terrible this week, and I'm probably being overly sensitive. They're cookies. No one is going to be terribly upset if I leave some of them out, but it makes me feel like I'm a failure and a disappointment before I even start. The holidays are stressful, but I mostly do this to myself.
