(no subject)

[dreamcatchings]

I had things to write earlier. I did.

Now I'm just tired. And my head and eyes hurt. timberwolfblues was over today so we could go through the stuff. I ended up crying through most of it. I didn't think it would be so fucking painful. They're just things, after all. They're just plastic and paper and lifeless. They can't hurt. They can't wonder what's happened.

But they don't remember what each of them holds. The memories and the time. They're just objects.

I'm not crying for the loss of them so much as for what they represented.

I wish I were plastic and paper and lifeless. I wish I was an object and nothing fazed me. I wish I could look at the fact that I have to do everything alone and be everywhere alone and just think of myself as alone and not feel like someone's cut my soul out.

I wish I were stronger than begging for another chance even though I know it wouldn't work out.

I wish.

It still hurts. Oh god, it hurts.

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[mizzmarvel.livejournal.com]

I don't know what else to say other than it's going to get better, and if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here.